Ticking Hands

Constantly battling with time has been one of the things I keep on doing everyday. Starting the day in a hurry is a habit, waking up an hour before the class, inclusive of the preparations and the travel time, which will take me two hours at the very least. WTH.

This may be due to my always-on-the-go and spontaneous nature, which is not really bad, since it makes me flexible in general. However, it’s as if I’ve become too complacent with time, acting like every second missed could be filled up with sheer luck–extended deadlines, moved exams, waiting people, professors allowing me to enter the classroom.

Stressful, indeed.

Given that I have to do a lot of stuff, I’m disappointed with how I juggle them right now, and this is a function of how I manage my time. It sucks. I don’t know why I easily get rattled with my things-to-do.

Maybe everything should start first thing in the morning ON TIME. Before I lose luck.

Leap Second

It’s always hard to say goodbye.

On my October 12, 2007 post entitled “Why Goodbye?“, I laid down my thoughts on saying goodbye, and why I regard it as “the hardest, the most painful and the saddest (also according to Celine Dion’s song) word compiled by the lexicographers”. After that post, series of hellos and goodbyes happened up until the last moments of 2008.

New Year’s Eve became a short yet fulfilling period of reflecting for me, amid the relentless banging. Nostalgia sank into me upon reminiscing the events that happened all throughout the year. It then stirred mixed emotions inside, remembering my wide smiles, twinkling eyes, great laughs and most bitter ocean of tears.

What many people don’t know about me is my tendency to become highly sentimental over things, individuals and events I regard of high value. Looking back and realizing what those things did to me on my eighteenth year in this world, 2008 is indeed my most memorable year to date. That night, saying goodbye to my best year yet was a bit hard. I still don’t want to change 8 into 9. AS IF I CAN DO SOMETHING TO MAKE IT POSSIBLE. LOL. Am I just afraid to turn 19, gradually saying goodbye to my teen years? Presumably there’s something more to that.

I’M FRAGILE, maybe because of my youth, and being at legal age does not mean ample maturity and firmness towards things. Still, I can be provoked and be broken into pieces. Maybe that’s what I’m afraid of, after having reconstructed. Like a child starting to learn walking, a wall tested by time and circumstances would be vital to strengthen my knees.

Thanks for the leap second, I had a breather for 2009. Whatever life will bash on to me, it matters. But it won’t crush me anymore, I hope.

Welcome, 2009! Happy New Year!