More Cognitive Work

I just finished my reaction paper for my Political Science 152 (Philippine Legislative System) about the anti-Charter Change (or better yet, anti-ConAss) rally two Mondays ago. To be honest, writing this entry is just random, for I can’t really think of what to write as of the moment.

The past few days have been hectic.

Backlogs have been a problem. Completing them is quite a pressure. Although manageable, a conflict always comes with my current subjects and the backlogs. If I won’t accomplish it before the semester ends, extending a semester comes next. That should not happen though. And I won’t let it come.

But what makes the pressure even more disturbing is my thesis proposal for Political Science 199.1 (Qualitative Research in Political Science) in preparation for Political Science 198 (Special Problems in Political Science) next semester. Termed as “seminar paper”, we have to accomplish a relevant research that will surely eat up most of my time a few months from now. In short, a seminar paper is thesis-like but not thesis at all. How can that be so fcukingly euphemistic? LOL.

Everything boils down to a fact: I have a lot of topics scrambling in my mind, but I don’t have any thesis topic to work on!

I’ve thought of these things even before, but I kept on rejecting some fields. Analysis of previous legislation sounds boring. Comparative Politics is a bit tedious. Political Culture is interesting but roots out to studying a bit of Sociology. Political Dynamics also interests me but requires a much broader study. I always want to ensure that the thesis problem is not at par with the usual research paper, but I don’t want it to be too tedious and difficult.

I just want it to be a reputable undergraduate thesis and nothing else. Something that I’ll be proud of and can be pursued as I deepen my study of politics.

My professor’s voice in 199.1 suddenly echoed.

Most of your research questions are unacceptable. More cognitive work, more cognitive work.

My first research question was rejected. I’m waiting for the revision to be rejected, too.

Even Dreams Bite

I started writing this entry at ten in the evening, with the desire to express how bugged I am the past few days.

This year’s summer has been one of the busiest days of my life, as my graduation is coming close. As a Political Science student, we have to take Political Science 190 as a course requirement. Described as Practicum in Political Science, this is a way to gauge the extent of learning a student acquired from his course through application and employment of various political theories in our everyday living. From our centralized, not-so-regular class meetings in UP Diliman (which served as our campus this summer), we ventured out of our comfort zones upon integrating with the indigenous people in Ifugao, urban poor families in Quezon City and the bureaucrats in the House of Representatives.

Our practicum/on-the-job training will only last for a month, thus resulting to a heavier academic load and a stressful life. If there’s one thing (aside from playing Tekken 5 through my PSP) that would relieve the fatigue I feel, that’s when I sleep.

But the images I see during my sleep even added to my worries now.

Leap Second

It’s always hard to say goodbye.

On my October 12, 2007 post entitled “Why Goodbye?“, I laid down my thoughts on saying goodbye, and why I regard it as “the hardest, the most painful and the saddest (also according to Celine Dion’s song) word compiled by the lexicographers”. After that post, series of hellos and goodbyes happened up until the last moments of 2008.

New Year’s Eve became a short yet fulfilling period of reflecting for me, amid the relentless banging. Nostalgia sank into me upon reminiscing the events that happened all throughout the year. It then stirred mixed emotions inside, remembering my wide smiles, twinkling eyes, great laughs and most bitter ocean of tears.

What many people don’t know about me is my tendency to become highly sentimental over things, individuals and events I regard of high value. Looking back and realizing what those things did to me on my eighteenth year in this world, 2008 is indeed my most memorable year to date. That night, saying goodbye to my best year yet was a bit hard. I still don’t want to change 8 into 9. AS IF I CAN DO SOMETHING TO MAKE IT POSSIBLE. LOL. Am I just afraid to turn 19, gradually saying goodbye to my teen years? Presumably there’s something more to that.

I’M FRAGILE, maybe because of my youth, and being at legal age does not mean ample maturity and firmness towards things. Still, I can be provoked and be broken into pieces. Maybe that’s what I’m afraid of, after having reconstructed. Like a child starting to learn walking, a wall tested by time and circumstances would be vital to strengthen my knees.

Thanks for the leap second, I had a breather for 2009. Whatever life will bash on to me, it matters. But it won’t crush me anymore, I hope.

Welcome, 2009! Happy New Year!

Wishlist of an Eighteen-Year-Old Kiddo

Eleven days before Christmas.

Last year, I had my set of wishlist on this blog. Some of those things I’ve wished for came, some don’t. For a fact, I know that everyone has been thinking what to give me this year. Where’s the conceitedness? LOL. Due to changing times, having a new set of wishlist would indeed help you.

YOM’S WISHLIST!

Jacket. I need it badly! It’s cold! Haha. Otherwise, hug me all the time. LOL.

Size: XS
Color/Design: Any (as long as it doesn’t look jologs)
I RECOMMEND: Topman, Folded and Hung, Adidas

Shirts. Yea. I still need shirts as part of my closet overhauling this year. LOL. Want to help me?

Size: XS/S (depending on the boutique. It would be better if I’m with you when you buy. LOL)
Type: Statement, vintage or any type of shirt
I RECOMMEND: Topman, Folded and Hung, Bench, Penshoppe, Human

Jeans. New shirts are useless without another pair of jeans. Faded/whitewashed/caramel-washed jeans are very much welcome.

Size: 28″/29″
Type: Skinny/slim fit. No straight cuts or loose fit jeans, please. Haha.
I RECOMMEND: Folded and Hung, Topman, Human, RRJ

Sneakers/rubber shoes. I’ve been using my sole pair of sneakers for almost a year now, so it should be replaced ASAP. Haha.

Color: White
Size: 8 1/2″-9″
I RECOMMEND: Converse, K-Swiss

Socks. To supplement that pair of shoes, a new set of pair of socks will do. Complete my footwear package.

Color: Black
Type: Foot socks
I RECOMMEND: Brands having quality-made fabrics (I hate Biofresh na!)

—

Having those things mentioned above would be really, really great.

However, that’s way too superficial.

This year has been too challenging for me. On my eighteenth year in this world, I’ve experienced (and still experiencing) some of the best and the worst things so far. The best ones will always uplift me, but the worst ones will surely do the opposite. Knowing that worst stuff will give you a shock, definitely, for it is way too serious for a guy of my age.

I just need your prayers to get through this. That would be the greatest gift.

Doors

Which door: the one already closed or the half-open one?

In this world, it’s always nice to have a home, where one could find his shelter in times of extreme weather conditions and fatigue. Your home will definitely remain as the stronghold of one’s emotions, a place where acceptance is a norm in spite of the innate human trait called imperfection.

What if you have to leave that home because they don’t want you to stay?